Grey
by Endestprana
Summary: A little bit weird story of Kanan and Mari...


" _ **There is no complete conviction…"**_

At first, there's no one who believed her. They mocked her reasoning, telling her that she should stop daydreaming. But she stayed true. She held on to her belief. She knew that nobody could decide whether it was really true or not. At least not until she saw it by her own eyes. And it, of course, got on people's nerve. They tried to despise everything she said, stop every struggle she tried, and turn a blind eye to her conviction. However, it's not enough. She wouldn't budge even an inch with that kind of treatment.

She knew her friend. She knew her too well. Up to the point that she wasn't sure if people around her really knew the truth of her friend. The one who looked nasty and liked to badmouth. The one who always did things her way. The one who paid no mind over something trivial. And that's what people thought of her friend. But for her, it's nothing like that. It's nothing like that at all.

Her friend was a very shy person. She's afraid of almost anything. And because of that, she always tried to look brave and a little bit ruthless. Why a little bit? Because she was afraid of being hated. She's not ready to be shunned. She's afraid of being alone. And thus, she tried to be the one people heed their attentions to. And she did it. It was a success. Her mask was a success.

So the friend played her role like that every day, until finally she alone forgot who she was. Who the real her after all those deceitful act of hers. But that very friend paid it no mind, because she was there. The one who always supported her. The one who always being beside her. The one who knew her. Mari loved her. There's no doubt for that. At least not in her side. But what about the girl in question?

The girl in question was a mystery. She always supported Mari all throughout her whole life up until that time. She's always there to give her courage. But why did she do all that? Was that based on love? Was that because Mari was rich? Well, for this Mari was sure that's not the case at all. At least not from what she'd seen before. Kanan was just there for her. Whenever she needed words of wisdom, she would be there. She would always be a means of comfort whenever Mari was in doubt and pain. Even Mari's anger couldn't get rid of Kanan's patience. It might be because Kanan knew that Mari was only needing someone to help her went through her predicament. But why?

Kanan's love was only based on one thing. Her love. Her love for a happiness. And at that time, she loved the happiness she could get from Mari. At least that's what supposed to be, until suddenly those feeling went away, washed away by a wave of doubt. All went away after she saw the disaster right in front of her eyes that day. The disaster which originated from her own stupidity. "Why would you thought about Mari's leaving you if all she did was always clinging to you?" "But there's Dia whom she also clang to nowadays?" "Doesn't that mean she's not the one which Mari's happiness came out from?" "Doesn't it mean she's not the source of Mari's love anymore?" were all Kanan thought when she saw the said disaster. Even thought that disaster was nothing more than Mari cried in front of Dia.

"Why get jealous, Kanan?"

"She's still depending on you, right?"

"You're still the one who holds her heart, right?"

Questions. More and more questions. Kanan was sick of question and so she left them all alone. And that was the origin of Mari's sudden withdrawal. All's because Kanan left Mari alone. Because she thought Mari didn't need her anymore. She did it without thinking about how Mari would react when she knew about Kanan's sudden act of consideration. She did it without thinking about how lonely Mari would be without her. And so she knew her stupidity that day. The day when she found Mari. She found Mari lying on the sand, body looks so cold and thin. And so Kanan started to panic. She blamed herself for everything. But when people heard her words, they heed no ears to them. No one should place themselves as high as what Kanan did. At least that's what people thought of her.

The mask which Mari don before gave Kanan more trouble than both of them deserved. There's no proof that Mari would do anything so daring for love. Besides, no one except Kanan and Mari knew about their more-than-friends relationship. "So how would the truth being brought up to the surface, Mari?" "What should I do, Mari?" Kanan screamed inside her head as people brought the unconscious Mari into the hospital.

Frankly, no one cared about Mari in the first place except Kanan. So why should it mattered it the blonde girl really did leave this world and never come back? No one hurts. Yes, no one except Kanan. And thus Kanan started to try and try. She tried all her might so people would believe her. But no one did believe her. For what they would believe a liar like Kanan? For what they would believe a girl who came out from nowhere and said Mari was deeply in love with her? For what they would believe a girl that tried to help a useless girl who's on the verge of dying because of her little trip to a deserted island? For what they would believe a story about an impossible way to cure an incurable disease from an eccentric girl like Mari? Just for what?

And so Kanan's effort went down the drain. She's hopeless. Especially after seeing the dying body and she herself helplessly tried to shake that very body so it could move by itself even a little bit. Not even Dia helped her. She's alone now. And all the time she thought Mari was the only shy and friendless girl on this world. She didn't realize she was one, too. She always needed Mari. She'd just never realized it. But it's too late, Kanan. She's gone now. And so Kanan's conviction of being true to herself.

Just why would she do that after all this time? There's no one beside her now. No one would helped her the way she helped Mari back then. So, what's there to wait? She only needed to take a knife and stab herself. And by doing that she would be able to meet Mari again. And so she did it. She hurriedly left the room and took one of the cutter left by nurse on the table. And then she cut her vein on her hand. "Goodbye world" said Kanan as she saw the world faded into the darkness.

Back in the hospital room, Mari woke up from her bed. The people inside that room clapped their hands as if they were a cult believer. Mari smiled and went outside. When she saw the dying body of Kanan, she laughed. "And here you thought I was dying because of you?" was all Mari said to the dead body before she go away from that place.

Mari never loved her. She never loved her even a bit. Well, she needed Kanan. Yes, she needed her as a plaything. As a means of fun. A disposable one, that is. "To think she would believe me wholeheartedly all this time?" laughed Mari as she remembered the way they knew each other back in their childhood day. The mask she had been wearing all this time, the one Kanan thought was for anyone but her, was intended only for Kanan. The mask of a useless little girl who couldn't stand on her own feet without Kanan.

While she laughed the result of her earlier act, the one which took Kanan's life, Mari didn't realized the tears that fell from her eyes. The bawling that occurred not long after that. However, there's still doubt whether she's sad because she lost Kanan or there was another reason. There's just nothing true inside Mari. Nothing anymore.


End file.
